water and fire...this much I know.
Current mood:you figure it out.
Category: Life

it burned fast and bright and I can't say that I didn't stoke the fire to make it burn higher, only to get burned. from the inside out. I am a shell that feels like it about to cave in on itself for I built a home in my heart for this thing and now the house is vacant and the sound of my own voice echoes through it telling me things that dig deep into the flesh of my mind, causing me to lose sleep and I do. I do lose sleep. I want my alexis here to hold me up because for some reason, the vertigo is too great "you'll feel relieved in the morning" she said but it is not so. how can I feel relieved when sleep would not come? when the only thing occupying my mind were images of defeat, images of somebody elses heart full and overflowing, while mine lay silent and still, dark and empty as death. I am tired of pretending that I do not hurt. using my wisdom to see clearly when I just want to kick and scream and shout "MINE!" it is what I want! oh but it does not work that way, you cannot take that which is not yours to begin with because a heart that is stolen and jealously guarded can never be happy. that heart has to swell and open up to whomever it feels drawn to. this much I know. so I sit here in front of my computer, tired and defeated and God I feel alone and I want this week to pass by quickly but so far it has not. so far it has felt as though it is immersed in water and I am moving in slow motion and instead of things passing, they are just hovering and swirling around me and that is just too bad because it is something I am gonna have to deal with for I have built a house in my heart for a love that couldn't last and I am forced to live here, alone for now, my cries echoing off of the walls as I lay curled up in a ball, desparately trying to get my heart and brain to turn off. it is what it is and life is not a fairy tale. it hurts and to hurt is to be alive. this much I know.

I ain't mad at ya. it is what it is and that is all it is. you can't let it burn that bright that quickly and expect anything less than ashes when the truth comes to the surface and puts out the flame. after all, truth is like water, ever changing, always moving causing chaos, confusion and life in its wake.