motherhood is a bitch
Current mood: drained
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

O.k, so here we go again. if you were around for my puke extravaganza blog, you will know what I mean...

on wednesday night, Lily awoke me in the night aying her head hurt. I felt her and she was on fire. I sent her back to bed with some advil and in the morning, she had a fever of 101.2, all day she was lethargic (prior to this, violet had almost the same symptoms. she started witha runny nose, and ended up spiking a fever after the third day and just slept all day and would not eat), sleeping all day and just moping...meanwhile, this being my day off, I was forced to stay indoors and Violet of course was feeling great and was full of spunk. The fighting and irritability ensued, with violet antagonizing lily, and lily crying and producing the greatest theatrics, at lunch, lily would not eat and I got angry, telling her to quit wasting food. she ate half at my insistence, even though she did not want to(needless to say, as you will see later I feel the guilt...very intensely). So, dinner rolled around and as she was sitting there with her head resting on her fist, her eyes rolling with tiredness, she just kept on eating...slowly. probably fearing my wrath. I was done with dinner and I was playing with Violet. Suddenly, I heard a gagging sound(as a mother I will say that that sound is one of the most frightening ones around, equivalent to that of the doorknob jiggling in the night) and I looked up to see lily holding her mouth, her eyes bulging. I asked her, " are you gonna puke?! " she shook her head no and took another bite(also, for the record I must say that due to my hyper anxiety in lilys early childhood, she is now deathly afraid of getting sick and puking so she always denies it) she gagged again, and I said,"stop eating!" she dropped her fork and ran into the bathroom crying and whimpering, and proceeded to puke all over the bathroom floor. I ran after her and tried to help her tie her hair back, and of course my shadow, violet rain was right behind me to see what was amiss. she ran into the bathroom and slipped, falling in the puke and started to cry. So, there stood lily crying and ashamed, apologizing to me for not making it to the toilet, and violet was like her backup singer, letting out a wail that could break glass. Both were covered in puke. Ha. Needless to say I have other things in my life and in my head that are weighing me down, so this added bonus left me to feel the tears welling up. Of course, there was no time for this, nor was it very practical. I had to spring into action immediately. I stripped them both down, and threw them in the shower, washing away the tears and vomit. I took violet out first so to be better able to clean Lily up and tend to her sick self. she ran off down the hall naked, while I washed lilys hair, sponged her face and cooed the age old mother sounds, pretty much setting her right. So, after I finished all this and got her hair braided, her teeth brushed, and her body tucked into bed, I walked down the hall and into the living room. ...

For some reason, unknown to me, Violet decided that it would be a great idea to put her entire leftover dinner on the couch. each item, stacked lovingly in little piles on my nice clean couch...sigh. then, I must say, the tears really did prick up, only to be brushed away as quickly as they came. I set to work, cleaning it all up and then getting violet dressed and ready for bed. I decided before that, I would give lily some more tylenol, as she was still burning up even after the recent dose of advil. She of course, started to puke again. so after I cleaned up yet again, and got them safely tucked into their beds, I called my mom. I was supposed to bring my children to my mothers on saturday before work, but seeing as how violet was perfectly well, I thought it would be best to get her out of here as soon as possible. So, I pleaded with my mother to take violet on friday so I could better take care of lily, and she said," you wanted to have children, deal with it...welcome to motherhood." "violet is too much for me to deal with" o.k. fine. so no help there, and really, no surprise.

so the night passed uneventfully, and I almost dared to hope that that would be the end of it. Lily awoke at 7am and said, "hey mom, I feel better, can I drink some water now?" I said"sure, what could be the harm in a little water?" well of course, I drifted back to sleep a little, only to awake to her moaning"oh no! not again!" i heard the splash of the puked up water hitting the floor as I jumped out of bed, racing into the bathroom, slipping on the puked up water in the hall, I righted myself, only to go in the bathroom to hold her hair back yet again. I felt her head and she was burning up. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, her tounge white, her lips dry and chapped. That was it, I had to call the doctor. I waited for 8am to arrive, meaniwhile giving her little sips of advil at a time, hoping she could keep it down. finally 8am arrived, hallelujah! and the office told me I could bring her in as early as 9:30am. I took her to the doctors and they gave her some anti nausea medicine to save us a trip to the ER due to dehydration, and sent us on our way. The diagnosis? Viral infection. o.k. whatever. they day went by pretty uneventfully, us staying cooped up in the house most of the day. at around 2pm, I took violet outside to burn some excess energy and get some fresh air. at one point, she screamed and said "OW!" I asked what was wrong, and she did not answer, and I just dismissed it(bad mom!). we went in for a lunch of rice and bananas(part of the B.R.A.T diet, made for kids with somach virus), took lilys temp to find that the fever had finally broken. I highfived her, gave her a hug and breathed a sigh of relief. They both wanted a popsicle, and as I sat Violet down to eat hers at the table, I looked down only to realize that she had been stung by some unknown bug! Her tiny foot was swollen almost twice its original size, and had a ring of bright red, circling a little white bump with a an obvious bite mark in the middle. Sigh. Great. I called the nurse advice line on my insurance card, and talked to the nurse to see what dose of benadryl to give a child that small. There was no way in hell I was going back to the doctor if I could help it. she told me what to do, and told me to watch her closely, and if anything changed for the worse, to take her to the doctor or emergency clinic immediately. Now, she sleeps. the benadryl, knocked her out, and I am left to sit here and wonder why today is the day that God or whatever has decided to test me. I feel drained, andI am left to wonder if I am even cut out for this sort of thing. I do o.k., but I am not perfect. Being one person, is just not enough for two children in times like these. But, as my mom is fond of saying, I made my bed, now I must lie in it.

Ah well, motherhood is a bitch, deal with it.

can't wait til this storm passes.