I am a fighter, not a lover.

I am a fighter, not a lover. I try and I try yet the only love I can truly feel without being afraid of or being disillusioned with is the love that I feel for my children. the bottom line is this...I like being alone. I ENJOY doing whatever it is that i may want to do without having to answer to anybody. what is wrong with me you may wonder? well, I am beginning to think...nothing at all. I just know what I want and I am finally learning that nobody but me is ever going to be able to provide it. no sad story here, just a sheer happiness with being alive, being social, being a mother and being a painter. kinda hard to make room for much else. maybe one day but...right now it seems that every relationship I get into, I lose interest quickly when it comes to the monotony of co-existing. hmmm... I just dont know. to be fiercely independent is an interesting phenomonon. so far, so good, I just need to learn how to not let myself become distracted meanwhile bringing others down on the way. Not to say that every relationship that I have been in has disintegrated due to me and my nature, it is really to say that when the going gets rough, I see no reason to carry it through. too much distraction from what is really important...my painting and my children and my friends. so, to all of you who may have ridden this little confusing rollercoaster with me, I am sorry but I am sure that I probably warned you in advance.