pride and memories
Current mood: content
Category: Life

I often find myself wishing for my children to hurry and grow up. grow up so that we can be friends, and i can be free. then there are times like tonight, that i want time to freeze. I want for the rain to continue pouring down, the cars swishing by, my three year old daughter(violet) in a booster seat at the hair cutting place. a blue nylon drape with sea animals dotted over it covering her from neck to ankles, her cookie monster slippers peeping out from beneath. My older daughter and I watch her face as the beautician moves in with her metal comb, her scissors glinting in the light...our breath caught in our throat as her little mouth curls down in a parody of an upside down smile...she looks scared...as though she may cry at any minute if one of us does not reassure her, quick. I nudge my eight year old, and start to giggle, saying"Wow V(my pet name for violet), you are the big time now!" Lily chimes in with," man violet! you are being sooooo good!" at this point, her chubby little face splits into a grin, her frown disappearing as her face starts to glow with the first hints of pride. They lady begins to cut away, directing violet this way and that, tilting her head down, up, to the side etc...violet being as serious as if this were the most important moment of her little life. At this point, my heart feels so big. as though my chest is not big enough to contain it. I want this moment never to end. I want to watch her little self forever, Lily beside me, whispering her little exclamations of pride...my co-conspirator. I want moments like these never to end. I want the rain to pour down forever, the cars to swish by endlessly, as i smell the scent of childhood memories in the air, swirling around me, creating a moment that I as a mother will never forget.

the best part was on the way home, watching her preen in the rearview mirror, pleading, "look at me MAMA! I am pretty! I got a new hair do!" so, apparently it was the most important moment in her little life so far...the moment she found her vanity.

sounds simple, maybe even boring, but as a mother, it made my fucking week.