I hear and feel it rumbling against my feet as I stand here on the precipice of the rest of my life. Or at least the next few years. My entire North Carolina life has suddenly shattered and I will be forced to recreate my existence. After ten years of the same, a month and half shy of 32, I have to change. The knowledge of this, makes me feel like I might either fall through the ground with the weight of my existence and the life I have created or I may just float away into the clouds after the feeling of being firmly rooted to the ground for so long. Both are disconcerting. There is also another little part of me that just wants to lie down and cry and sleep but that is not an option. My only option is to move forward, work harder and rebuild my life while the wreckage still smokes and the pieces are still salvageable. My children need me to. I need me to. I have sat here for 24 hours, teetering on the brink of despair every couple of hours, every twenty minutes and I have sat here for the past 24 hours, feeling the surges of strength that are truly in my nature. I love a challenge. I secretly love change and have sought it out in every other aspect of my life...forever. So why not view all of this that way? I know it is right but all of this still feels so wrong because although my nature embraces change, my human condition tries to fight it.
I am really just writing this because I just want all of you that love me and worry about me to know that I will do my best to be alright and I know that your love and friendship will be a huge help for me to do just that.
So far everybody has shown me that. It is an amazing help to know that even though the job that I just got fired from has left me feeling betrayed, I will always be grateful for the people that it has brought into my life and that are now my family.
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